Clergy Shirts for Women Are of Satan!

Bless my mom's heart, she bought me a clergy shirt recently.  I already have one in black and so she felt that I needed a white one.  I was quite excited to receive this impromptu gift because, first, it was from my mom and secondly, I needed another clergy shirt.  However, I am CONVINCED that women's clericals are of SATAN!  They never fit right, they are too doggone hot and just plain unfashionable and uncomfortable!  I am convinced that satan gave some man the idea of creating these hideous garments just like the underwire bra.  Only a man would put wires and plastic in a garment that women have to wear.  If you haven't guessed by now, I am disappointed by the selections that we women clergy have in the way of clericals.

My journey into the clericals land has not been a joyous one.  It is oftentimes frustrating and hopeless.  I try not to wear clericals if at all possible.  However, there are times when I have to put on that torturous garment  that does absolutely nothing for my fashion sense and comfort.  It is an inhumane piece of clothing and I am sure that many of my female colleagues have had the same experience as I.

But wait!!!! Help is on the way my sisters if you are willing to spend a few extra dollars.  I figure that if I spend $54 for one ill-fitting shirt now that I can put another $25-$100 with that $54 to get me a shirt that fits well and looks good.  Here are some companies that I have found.

Stitches of Ayr ( http://shop.stitchesofayr.com/Womens-Shirts_c8.htm)- A company out of Canada that:   Stitches of Ayr aims to "Redesign the Uniform" by bringing modern styling, comfort, and eco-sensitive fabrics to clerical clothing and vestments. The unique styling of our clerical shirts allows for the clergy person to be stylish, comfortable, and approachable, while still maintaining the significance of the clergy collar.   

  These shirts cost $90 each.

Spiritual Apparel (http://www.spiritualapparel.com)- This company specializes in the custom "Janie" of sorts. The Women's Clerical Bodice is made of a fine, lightweight, pre-washed suiting material that is a Cotton/Polyester/Lycra blend. The fabric moves and breathes comfortably with the body for optimal comfort and wearability.  It comes as a full band collar or as a tab collar.  This item was featured in TLC's, "What Not to Wear" when they featured a woman Episcopalian priest for a make-over.  It is $90.

   

Casual Priest (http://www.casualpriest.com) This company is out of Sweden..Lordy, I am going to save to get one of these shirts!

 $149  and they come in a variety of colors!  

Finally, shirts that fit! I am ordering a few of these today and I bind my other shirts in the name of Jesus and toss them back into the pits of hell! 

Halloween Has Been Cancelled!

To say that I don't believe in Halloween is an under statement.  I absolutely abhor this secular holiday.  For the whole month of October my cable television runs rampant with every creepy show that they can dig up, big bags of candy practically invades the grocery store shelves and costumes ranging from cute to trampy to scary cost as much as a good handbag!  I do not like this holiday and I fail to see how giving out a bunch of sugary "crack" to children that are already close to "OD'ing" is conducive to them and myself.

I was not always like this.  I remember that my mom allowed us to dress up and go "begging" for candy when I was growing up.  "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" was one of my favorite holiday specials to watch and as I got older, the haunted houses were frequented by me and my friends.  As I became an adult and had children of my own, I even allowed them to dress up and go around the neighborhood "begging" for candy.  Something changed. I went into the ministry. My mindset changed and I started to research the true meaning of the holidays that I celebrated.  This is what I discovered from Wikipedia:

History

Etymology

The word Halloween was first used in the 16th century and represents a Scottish variant of the fuller All-Hallows'-Even ('evening'), that is, the night before All Hallows' Day.^[10] Although the phrase All Hallows' is found in Old English (ealra hālgena mæssedæg, mass-day of all saints), All-Hallows-Even is itself not seen until 1556.^[10]

Celtic influences

Though the origin of the word Halloween is Christian, the holiday is commonly thought to have pagan roots.^[11] Historian Nicholas Rogers, exploring the origins of Halloween, notes that while "some folklorists have detected its origins in the Roman feast of Pomona, the goddess of fruits and seeds, or in the festival of the dead called Parentalia, it is more typically linked to the Celtic festival ofSamhain", which comes from the Old Irish for "summer's end".^[11] Samhain (pronounced sah-win or sow-in) was the first and most important of the four quarter days in the medieval Gaelic (Irish, Scottish and Manx)^[12] calendar.^[13][14] It was held on or about 31 October–1 November and kindred festivals were held at the same time of year in other Celtic lands; for example the Brythonic Calan Gaeaf (in Wales), Kalan Gwav (in Cornwall) and Kalan Goañv (in Brittany). Samhain is mentioned in some of the earliest Irish literatureand many important events in Irish mythology happen or begin on Samhain. It marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the 'darker half' of the year.^[15] This was a time for stock-taking and preparing for the cold winter ahead;^[11] cattle were brought back down from the summer pastures and livestock were slaughtered.^[15] In much of the Gaelic world, bonfires were lit and there were rituals involving them.^[15] Some of these rituals hint that they may once have involved human sacrifice.^[16][11] Divinationgames or rituals were also done at Samhain.^[15]

Samhain (like Beltane) was seen as a time when the 'door' to the Otherworld opened enough for the souls of the dead, and other beings such as fairies, to come into our world.^[17][18] The souls of the dead were said to revisit their homes on Samhain.^[19] Feasts were had, at which the souls of dead kin were beckoned to attend and a place set at the table for them.^[20] Lewis Spence described it as a "feast of the dead" and "festival of the fairies".^[21] However, harmful spirits and fairies were also thought to be active at Samhain. People took steps to allay or ward-off these harmful spirits/fairies, which is thought to have influenced today's Halloween customs. Before the 20th century, wearing costumes at Samhain was done in parts of Ireland, Mann, the Scottish Highlands and islands, andWales.^[22] Wearing costumes may have originated as a means of disguising oneself from these harmful spirits/fairies, although some suggest that the custom comes from a Christian or Christianized belief (see below). In Ireland, people went about before nightfall collecting for Samhain feasts and sometimes wore costumes while doing so.^[22] In the 19th century on Ireland's southern coast, a man dressed as a white mare would lead youths door-to-door collecting food; by giving them food, the household could expect good fortune from the 'Muck Olla'.^[23] In Moray during the 18th century, boys called at each house in their village asking for fuel for the Samhain bonfire.^[24] Trick-or-treating may thus have come from the custom of going door-to-door collecting food for Samhain feasts, fuel for Samhain bonfires and/or Samhain offerings for the spirits and fairies. Alternatively, it may come from the Christian custom ofsouling (see below). Making jack-o'-lanterns at Halloween may also have sprung from Samhain and Celtic beliefs. Turnip lanterns, sometimes with faces carved into them, were made on Samhain in the 19th century in parts of Ireland and the Scottish Highlands.^[25]As well as being used to light one's way while outside on Samhain night, they may also have been used to represent the spirits/fairies and/or to protect oneself and one's home from them.

So I got to thinking: Why would I celebrate the dead? Why do I need to ward off evil spirits? Isn't this awfully close to witchcraft and the occult? Do I conform myself to what is popular by the world's standard or, " Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I choose the Word.  Halloween at my house has been cancelled for a long time.  I have a granddaughter now and her parents are more than likely going to dress her up as a cute little pumpkin or princess and take her "begging" for "sugary crack" on the 31st.  I just know that when she gets to my house, I will slip a WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet over her slender little wrist.  As a matter of fact, I think I will go stock up on those WWJD bracelets and hand them out to any child that knocks on my door. Sorry kiddos, but Halloween Has Been Cancelled!

I'se A Pastor Now!!!!

The "Color Purple" has always been one of my favorite movies and in the movie Shug Avery gets married and in trying to gain favor from her preacher father, she holds up her properly ringed hand and says, "I'se married now! I say, I'se married now!"  She was proud of herself and didn't mind proclaiming it loud and clear.  I feel just like Shug Avery and I want to throw up my sanctified hands and say, "I'SE A PASTOR NOW! I SAY, I'SE A PASTOR NOW!"

All country talk aside, I have a charge that the Elder sent me to pastor. I was sent amid some trying circumstances that I will not elaborate on, but I am glad that I was obedient and went.  I felt the Lord doing something with my ministry all during Annual Conference and I felt that he was moving me into a position to not just lead choirs, but to shepherd people.  I prayed and sought counsel from my ministerial family and I knew that it was time.  I could no longer sit under the protection of what was my comfort zone (my home church).  I had to get on out there and do what God had trained me to do.

I have always liken myself to a baby bird.  Baby  birds cannot fly when they are born.  The are cared for by the parents until they grow big enough for the mother bird to literally push them out of the nest and then the bird had better fly or it will fall to the ground and die.  God literally pushed me from the nest and made me fly. He spoke to me and said, "You're a big girl now. I have called you and set you apart.  Trust me to take your ministry higher.  I love you, but you have to leave home in order for me to expand your territory." So with a mighty push, God kicked me out of the nest so that I can fly. It's scary, but little by little I am climbing a little higher.  My arms are getting stronger with each flight. I have had some wobbly take offs, but I have managed to land on my feet. I see a whole vast sky in front of me and I want to be able to fly until I hear the Lord say, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!"  

I am a proud pastor over a people who are truly genuine and wonderful.  Together, we will take this wonderful flight into the sky of serving God.  I am no longer a baby bird.  My Father in Heaven gave me wings to fly.  So with that, I throw up my sanctified hands and say, "I'SE A PASTOR NOW! I SAY, I'SE A PASTOR NOW!" 

God Loves Local Preachers Too!

Five whole years with the Board of Examiners and I was finally and proudly ordained a Local Elder in the AME Church.  I was finally a colleague with my fellow preachers and qualified to consecrate the sacred elements of The Lord’s Supper.  I was elated and humbled at the responsibility that God had placed in my not so worthy hands.  I realize the magnitude of the office, the sacred trust and the huge responsibility of delivering God’s Word. 

My decision to become a local was a conversation that was strictly between me and God.  I have heard from many Itinerant Elders that had they been my supervising pastor at the time of my calling, they would have changed my mind as if I didn't know how to make a sound decision for myself.  As if I didn't know that my secular job is the one that pays my bills, keeps a roof over my head and feeds me and my children.  As if I would be considered "beneath" those that have degrees and are itinerant.  As if God's decision for me was not the right one.  Changed my mind? Changed God’s mind? To hear that is mind-blowing to me. Can I not lead the lost to Christ as a local preacher? Can I not teach or pray with people as a local preacher?  Can I not do what the Board of Examiners trained me to do as a local preacher?  Do I not pay the same amount for the psychological exam and be background checked as an itinerant?  Am I not called "Reverend" just like an itinerant? Do I not answer the same roll call at conferences like an itinerant? Am I not held accountable by the same Book of Discipline as my itinerant brothers and sisters?  Most importantly, can I not do what God called me to do as a local preacher just like an itinerant?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding yes! 

I prepare my sermons by much prayer and supplication and I study rigorously the Word of God every day.  I help out my supervising pastor whenever she/he needs it.  I have held whole services by myself.  I have visited the sick and presided over meetings in the supervising pastor’s absence.  I have counseled and prayed with members and non-members alike.  I have married couples, buried the dead and baptized new believers. I have held the hands of the broken-hearted and I have been awaken in the middle of the night from a member that needs to talk or to have prayer. 

Local preachers are a valuable asset to any church.  As a matter of fact, the local ministry was an integral piece of the Methodist ministry when Charles and John Wesley came to America to preach and set up circuit churches.  It was hard for the itinerant to get to many churches from week to week so they installed “local” preachers for those circuits to take care of the charge while the itinerant was traveling. We stand as a “middle man” between the shepherd of the church and the congregants.  We take on the tasks that few people want.  We are secretaries, armor bearers, Church School teachers, choir directors, program chairpersons and any thing else that the supervising pastor might need us to be.  Most of all we are preachers of God’s Word. We are important. Perhaps one day, someone in leadership will have the fore-sight to include local participation at our District and Annual Conferences.

Itinerants travel anywhere in their respective districts and locals are usually called on to “supply”.  However, the ministry is the same.  I am proud to be a preacher of God.  I am proud to be an ordained Local Elder of the oldest black denomination of these United States of America.  I may not be “seminary” trained, but I am trained nonetheless.  I was “called out” and “set apart” just like my itinerant colleagues.  When I have to give account of my life before God, it will not matter if I was an itinerant or a local and it will not matter to God if I have a MDiv (Masters of Divinity) or not behind my name.  What will matter to God is if I had obeyed His calling for me.

To Be Or Not To Be: Traditional -vs- Contemporary





           

Introducing contemporary worship into a traditional church can be a little like getting two cats into unity by tying their tails together and throwing them over a clothes line. They are together.

It seems there are certain things that just don't go together: oil and water, Baptists and dancing, and traditional churches and contemporary music.

The young folks are bored and anxious to worship in a more relaxed and free-spirited manner and the "seasoned saints" are enamored with the order of the more traditional worship.  So here we stand, waiting with baited breath to see which service will win. Will the energy of the contemporary win out over the long standing and proven worship style of the traditional service? And vice vesra?

In thinking about this, I thought, "Why should one win out over the other?"  Is there a way that both styles of worship can coexist? I think that they can and eventually merge to create one unified Christian body.  How does a church steeped in tradition, incorporate contemporary worship without jeopardizing loss of members? How does a church create a careful balance of both old and new?

First, know the demographics of your church! Take a survey of who is in your church, the average age, gender, etc....You must be aware of the move that you take affects everyone and not just you.

Secondly, ask yourself what is your motivation. Is it be more popular with aspirations of grandeur or for the building of God's Kingdom? If God is not in the picture, it will fail.  Pray and search for the true answer.

Thirdly, start small. Too many times pastors will jump head first into something that they have no idea about.  Use your choir as a starting point and have your minister of music start to incorporate more contemporary songs.  Perhaps this can be done through your young adult choir or your youth choir. This may even be the start of a specialized praise team. Also, if you want your congregation to participate, hand out lyrics to those songs!

Also, you might want to designate a Sunday where it is completely casual. Take off your robe one Sunday (not first Sunday which is generally designated for Communion Sunday). Now, the majority of your "seasoned saints" will still come to church dressed to the nines and that is just fine. Do not admonish them for that and let them come dressed in a manner that makes them comfortable.  On the same note, casual does not mean "hoochie" or "gangster".  God's house is still to be respected and there should be a list of casual wear that is and is not acceptable.

Since I am an ordained minister in the AME Church I can only speak about our worhip liturgy. 

Believe it or not, you do not have to say the Call to Worship at every service that you have.  For example, if I am planning an afternoon program, I will start with praise and worship, and then straight into the afternoon hymn (which is usually very upbeat), on to prayer, scripture and song. No Call to Worship and no Decalogue. It's ok to omit these things sometimes. It does not make you less of an AME if you do this.

Finally, do not get rid of the old.  There are beautiful liturgies, hymns and prayers that add to the worship service and it's those "old" things that have carried us through. Do not cater to one or the other. You can not dismiss your past because you don't know how it might bless your future.

I'm not finished on this issue and will comment further in the future. I just wanted to share my thoughts on this issue of to be or not to be......

What Is the Preacher Doing In The Club?

Last night, I attended the Macy Gray concert with my oldest daughter.  The concert was held on a casino boat inside of a club called, "The Voodoo Lounge." Before I start to hear from those nay sayers in the ministry on what I did, I have a few things to say.

My daughter asked me last week to accompany her to see Macy Gray because she had two free tickets. I did not hesitate to say, "Yes."  I said yes because of these reasons:

1. I love Macy Gray!
2. I love my daughter!
3. I haven't been to see live music in a while.
4. I love Macy Gray!
5. I love my daughter!
6. I wanted to have fun.
7. I love Macy Gray!
8. I love my daughter!
9. I LOVE MACY GRAY!
10. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY CHILD!

Some preachers are so staunch and rigid that if it's not gospel, everything else must be of the devil.  I do not agree with that. I love good music in all genres. As a choir director, listening to all types of music helps me to train my ear on melodies and harmonies to teach my choirs.  I glean something from all music.

Now to address the issue of the club.  SO WHAT!  I was in the club because that is where the concert was.  It was nice and since I don't drink (at least most of the time LOL), I don't see where the venue might be a problem.  Venues are never the problem, the problem is the conduct in which people carry themselves.

I am always aware that I am a preacher of God's Word and in His service. However, I am still Bridget and I enjoy good music and if there is a concert that I want to see, whether it is Hezekiah Walker or Prince, I will be there.  I will be the woman down front shouting, "Hallelujah" or "I love you Prince" at the top of her lungs.

I thank my child for the concert.  I thank her for reminding me why I love music in the first place. I think that some preachers need to lighten up. You can still be a preacher and still enjoy the life that God has blessed you with. You can still minister to those people around you.  Just think, there is a ministering moment in ALL places.

Mint Condition is coming to the Voodoo Lounge next month.  Hmmm, I wonder if she can get free tickets to that also?

Diary of a Mad Black Choir Director

Yes this a diary of my issues of being a choir director.  I am about to lay down some rules for the choir because some of yall are OUT OF ORDER! So here we go:

1. If you know that you can't rock and clap at the same time, do one or the other. What happens is I, with others will laugh at you and forget about the ministry that we are supposed to be doing. OUT OF ORDER!
2. When in doubt, do not sing out! Come to rehearsal and learn your note and the song! OUT OF ORDER!
3. If you do not know how to play the tambourine, put it down. You are playing on the upbeat while we are singing on the downbeat and vise versa. Just put the durn thing down YOU ARE JUST MAKING NOISE! OUT OF ORDER!
4. I direct choirs for a reason. You need to look at me and not at that dress that you and Sister So and So bought the same one of. OUT OF ORDER!
5. Musicians, you are not in da club! Quit playing like you're on 18th and Vine. This ain't Showtime at the Apollo! OUT OF ORDER!
6. Candy is prohibited in the choir stand. All that rattling of the paper is nerve wracking! If you sing as loud as you rattle that paper, we could sound better than Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers. OUT OF ORDER!
7. The color for the Sunday is black! Don't come walking in with your zebra print talking about you got on black! OUT OF ORDER!
8. If you sit on the front row ladies, either make sure that your skirt is long or put a lap buddy over your legs.  Nobody wants to see everything that your momma gave you! Nobody wants to see that except old nasty Deacon Jones. OUT OF ORDER!
9. Musicians, don't come to my choir rehearsal talkin' about you done revamped a secular song.  SWV's "Weak" does not do anything for my spirit! OUT OF ORDER!
10. Finally, this is a collective effort under a dictatorship. My word is the ONLY word. If you want my job then you may have it, but until then I am the HCDIC(Head Choir Diretor In Charge)! OUT OF ORDER!

Oh, I have plenty more complaints, but that will come in volume two.  I love directing, but directing afro-americans will keep you laid out prostate before the Lord!

Where Did Everybody Go???

As a child, I used to love the summer nights. We caught lightening bugs in jars to light our paths and the moon shone brightly in the night sky.  The night air was filled with the sounds of nocturnal creatures and that is where I loved to hear the music of the cricket.  When I heard the crickets chirping through the night, I knew that everything was still.  It was peaceful and all was well.  The music emanating from the cricket rose through the quiet like a symphony written by Bach.  I loved the sound then as a child, but I grew to despise it as an adult. I hear that chirping sound more than just in the summertime.  I hear the crickets in every season, every Sunday in our churches.  Where the music was once melodious and soothing has now become loud, irritating and disheartening.

Pews that were once filled are now empty. It is not uncommon to look in on a church and observe that the few people that are in attendance could easily fill three rows in a church with twenty rows on each side.  Some balconies have not been used in twenty plus years.  What has happened?  We used to have three, four and sometimes five generations of one family in a church.  Our churches used to be community churches where everyone in that particular community went.  We used to have ministries that made the people to want to be at the church every time the doors were open.  What happened? 

Now if you're looking for me to give you statistical information in this blog, you are sadly mistaken.  I don't need statistics to tell me what I see with my own two eyes.  I asked, "What happened?"  This is what I have seen over the twenty or so years:

1. No Evangelism.  We have forgotten for some crazy reason to do what Jesus has instructed us to do, which is to, " Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation" Mark 16:5.  Jesus also instructed us to, "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." Matthew 28:19.   We have become too comfortable in maintaining a low standard and claiming it in the name of Jesus.  The truth of the matter is that we are lazy Christians. We don't walk the streets or visit the prisons.  God forbid if we open up our churches to feed the homeless and visiting the sick and shut-in is low on our list of priorities. Our testimonies have become tired and weak. We live within the confines of the four walls only on Sunday mornings and never venture beyond the vestibule. We are in perpetual hibernation from Kingdom Building.     
2. Internal Church Power Struggles.  Somebody is going to hate me for saying this! Most churches have these pockets of "cliques" that want to control everything, including the pastor.  If you are not a part of their "clique" you don't matter.  You're not valued and it's basically saying to you that  you're not wanted.  Why stay in a place where you're not wanted?
3. No Ministries. Let's say that you do manage to get a few people in the door.  What ministries does the church offer?  If you have none, don't expect people to stay in a place where they can't even participate. 
4. Not Enough Young Adult and Youth Involvement. One day you will become a "seasoned saint."  Who will take your place.  We don't train our YA's or Youth's in offices of the church.  We are too busy trying to hold on to a title rather than passing on the knowledge. What happens is that they either leave in search of a church that's more accepting of instructing them or they grow up ignorant and incompetent of how to serve on the boards of the church they grew up in.
5. Finger Pointing.  We are too busy pointing the fingers at one another rather than looking at our own shortfalls.  It is not the pastor's fault and it is not the layperson's fault.  It's EVERYBODY'S.

                                 The Parable of Responsibility  

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody were members of a group.

There was an important job to do and Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody would have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought Anybody would do it, but Nobody realized that Anybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody, blamed Somebody, when Nobody did, what Anybody could have done.

I could go on and on, but the list is too long and I only have so much time.  I could continue to lament like Jeremiah, but I have to be honest and begin with me.  I have to look inwardly to make sure that I am doing all that I can for the building of God's Kingdom.  Maybe one day I will begin to like the cricket's song again, but only if the pews fill up. 

Calgon, Take Me Away!!!

• 

To say that I am stressed is an understatement.  I work a secular job Monday - Friday and off the weekends.  However, I am an assistant pastor/choir director also, so that means my weekends are pretty full  on top of the calls that I get through the week from congregants.  I hold the position of secretary for the Conference Midwest WIM (Women in Ministry), I created and maintained TWO web pages and I maintain my blog and am a self-proclaimed FACEBOOK junkie!  Did I mention the grand-bandit, um I mean, the granddaughter? The one that I had the pleasure of witnessing her arrival into this world? The one that I held in my arms and delighted because she slept peacefully and without murmur? The one who took her first plane ride at 3 months and the passengers marveled at such a "cryless" (Is cryless a word?) baby? The one that when she smiled at me for the first time, captured my heart? The one that is now two years old and enough to drive Jesus off the cross???!! The one that I babysit every weekend so that her parents can work.  I am busy and a bit stressed out.   I have nothing else to give.  So in order for me to have a bit of a shred of sanity, I have compiled a list of that I need for people to help me with in order to destress my life:

1. Most preachers take Mondays off as a day of rest.  I don't have that luxury as I have to work at my secular job.  So do me a favor, don't call me any time of the day on Mondays. I may still have to work on Monday for the "man" but I want a break from the ministry on Mondays too.
2. I have learned a WONDERFUL new word this year.  If you would like to hear it when you ask me to finish a project for the church that YOU started, just ask me and I will utter to you the one word to end all words: NO!
3. I need to put this one whole rule in bold print! I need to have fun sometimes too! So when you see me out enjoying a jazz brunch, art exhibit or anything that I happen to enjoy, please do not back me into a corner and start telling me about your problems.  That's my time to be just regular old Bridget and I want to enjoy me.  If you insist, however, I will charge you time and a half for services rendered. 
4. Sometimes I do not answer my phone on purpose.  So sue me! If it is an emergency, call and let it ring once. Hang up and call right back and then I will pick it up.  What constitutes an emergency? Here is my list: Death, Eminent Death, Impending Death, Prayer for Surgery (major and minor do qualify), Child Missing, Depression and Suicidal Thoughts.  What does NOT constitute an emergency?   Here is my list:  Goldfish, dog, cat or any other animal dying, asking me about the announcements that were read on Sunday, your baby's first tooth, what new piece of clothing you bought, asking me for numbers of other church members (that's why we print up a church directory every year), and anything else that is non-life threatening.  Not saying that they are not important, just not an emergency.
5. Please do not guilt trip me into taking on another program, tasks or whatever. I will not only tell you the word in item #2, but I will turn around and guilt trip you about your spotty attendance record at church services.

If you have noticed, I haven't said anything about the grand-bandit, um granddaughter.  That is because she is my biggest stress reliever.  We play and play until we are both exhausted.  Every Friday night she curls up next to me and we watch movies.  On Saturdays, we eat a big breakfast and sleep in late.  Then, we go to the park or watch more movies (Sponge Bob has a permanent place in my DVD player). When my nerves get shot, she looks at me with those big brown eyes full of concern and says. "What's wrong Gran Gran?" and I immediately smile.  She has a way of calming the stress and that is why she is not mentioned in the rules, BUT, after she's gone, I go to the bathtub fill it with hot water and bubbles and say, "Calgon, take me away!"  

The Church Needs An Upgrade....Let Me Upgrade Ya!

Ok, picture this! Sicily, 1816........ok, ok.  I had a Golden Girl moment for a spell, but seriously picture this: Philadelphia, 1816 in an old blacksmith's shop with an anvil being used as a pulpit for the preacher.  He has hand written his sermon that must have taken hours to complete as he continually fills his quill pen with ink. There are no big projection screens to drop down to display the scriptures or songs and the announcements are by word of mouth or horseback and takes days to circulate.  The information highway is slow, but probably progressive for that day in age.

Not even ten years ago, you did not see preachers preaching from an IPad as the preacher in the illustration above, much less use a bible app to read the scriptures.  Fast forward ten years and just about everyone has an IPad, IPhone, Computer, Blackberry or Android.  The days of hand written sermons are almost obsolete and carrying a bible is just as gone. Many preachers have these electronic gadgets for convenience and information.  The way we function as a church on the technology side, however, is still archaic.

Most of our churches are still operating archaically and could stand an upgrade.  Our secretaries are still using typewriters.  The filing system is not backed up by flash drives (most don't even know what a flash drive is) or CD, email is a foreign language to some of our older members and some don't even own a cell phone. Believe it or not, most churches do not have a website, although there are many companies such as www.webs.com, that offer free services as long as you maintain the webpage yourself (I created and manage both my church and the Midwest Conference WIM webpages).  Conference calling is not being utilized in our local churches.  I could go on and on about how "technologically stunted" we are, but let me offer some simple ways a church that may be low on funds to minister effectively using technology.

1. Buy at least one used (year 2006 to current) computer, with internet access, for the secretary's office.  This will help the secretary schedule, file,  research and a host of other things that used to take five pieces of equipment to do.
2. Start a texting ministry of important dates and functions.  Most people have cell phones and Young Adults and Youth do a lot of texting.  They will read your text before they pick up the phone to talk.
3. If you have been blessed enough to have more than one computer in your church, offer FREE basic classes to older adults.  Pick a teenager or young adult in your congregation (because trust me, they know this stuff).  Teach your "seasoned saints" how to set up an email account, Facebook account and basic functions on how to access websites.
4. Install bible apps on your cell phones and IPads.  The one that I use is YouVersion Life Church.  It has over 20 versions of the bible, cross references, daily reading plans, highlighter, notes and a whole lot of bells and whistles that make this app a joy to have. It is also a free app.
5. Get your church a webpage! WWW.WEBS.COM  provides an opportunity for churches that are financially challenged to create and maintain a webpage.  However, keep in mind that some services are only offered if you purchase a package and the amount of information is limited, but for it being free WEBS gives you a lot of space to work with.
6. Get your church a free conference call number for those times where a physical meeting is not possible.  I did that for our conferences' WIM (Women in Ministry).  Just make sure that you send reminder emails along with the phone numbers and access codes.  This service is free but you have to have long distance on your phone with a decent plan. I have a family plan with 1500 shared minutes which I barely use. I'm a texter, but that plan comes in handy for calls such as these.  
7. Create a Facebook account for your church.  It's free! 

I could go on and on about this list, but then things would start to cost. Here is a list of some websites that  will help you to get started: www.facebook.com ; www.webs.com ; www.webstarts.com ; www.microsoft.com ;  www.weebly.com ; www.freeconferececall.com . Just start out with this simple list and as your ministry and church grows, you can always upgrade!

We've Come a Long Way Baby..........Really?

I get this a lot.  A woman in the ministry is trying to break the same glass ceilings as in corporate America.  I have heard and read this term, "The Stained Glass Ceiling." Whatever the case, it's all glass and more times than not, that glass is often times difficult to break.  I always envision a big hammer that I use.  I keep hitting the glass, but I'm only making cracks here and there.  It doesn't break and my arms get tired sometimes. 

I belong to one of the most progressive African American denominations when it comes to promoting women, I am an African Methodist Episcopal minister and proud of it. However, my denomination was very late in ordaining women as elders. Would you believe that it was in the late 1960's that a woman was allowed to become an itinerant elder?  Well, it's true!  Now we are talking about ordination -vs- licensing.  We women were allowed to be "licensed", but not ORDAINED. 

Ok, now we've gotten past that and here we are today.  We've come a long way baby.......but have we really?  Since my my last ordination (elder's orders) I have been met with opposition from men and YES, women. My leadership abilities have been called into question many times. As long as I'm directing the choirs, serving food, teaching Sunday School and looking cute, they're cool.  The moment I open my mouth to make a suggestion, implement a policy or preach there's a problem.

My mother was very strict about her children learning a little something about everything.  I play Jeopardy as a hobby, I've read the Bible from front to back more than my 43 years on earth, doing research is fun to me, I have over a thousand books in my personal library and I've read them all.  I learned how to change my own oil in my car, I can change my own tires and truth be told, if I had the equipment and tools, I could probably put an engine together as well as take it apart.  My mother always envisioned her children being able to walk into a state dinner at the White House and being able to speak with whomever about whatever.  I take those skills to my secular job as a purchasing manager. I know how to watch my budget.  I know how to negotiate better pricing to save my facility money in these tough economic times.  I know how to manuever in and out of my male dominated field.  My vendors respect me and I respect them.  They don't pat me on the head and say, "Let the big boys handle it and go sit in a corner and be cute."  I have proven myself to be a force in the Purchasing world.  They are my colleagues. That glass ceiling for me has been broken......BUT......I still have that stained glass ceiling to break.

Many women preachers run into that ceiling and receive cuts, bumps and bruises.  Cut-When you go to a staunch Baptist church and the pastor of that church tells you that you can't preach from the pulpit, BUT you can preach from the floor.  Bump-An older woman in the church that the bishop has assigned you to tells you, "I don't know why the bishop sent a WOMAN because this church has only had MEN.  I hope you don't get overly emotional and (if you're single) you need a husband and you wear to much make-up and jewelry.  Man!!!  Bruise-You come with the idea of a Capital Development Program for your church, which passes, but they pick a MAN to run it, although you have more experience. OUCH!! 

It hurts, but we keeping hitting that ceiling with that perverbial hammer. Some have broken through.  The elections and consecrations of women Bishops McKenzie, Tyler-Guidry and Davis was a pioneering feat in the AME Church history, however, with twenty episcopal districts, there are only three women, that's only fifteen percent (15%).  I know that we will have more women who will become bishops, presiding elders and preachers. It's slow going, but I am encouraged.  We've come a long way baby....BUT......Have we really?  I say yes, but we still have so much further to go.

Sometimes the Preacher Needs a Preacher

Today my soul is troubled.  I have just recently (three weeks ago) gone through a situation that left me in an emotional coma.  It has been a series of good days and bad days for the past three weeks.  I function, but I feel dysfunctional.  I continue to stay busy so that I won’t have to think and I’ve developed the habit of smiling all the while crying on the inside.  Some nights I don’t sleep and I toss and turn which makes me cranky and an introvert.  Sometimes, the nights are long and those are the roughest times for me.  That third hour after midnight is often the quietest and I tend to be very introspective at that hour.  It is usually at this time that I pray my hardest and will pick up the phone to call a sister minister friend of mine.

Sometimes, the preacher needs a preacher.  I know that this preacher does.  I say this because preachers are so busy listening and counseling people and their issues that the preacher’s issues are not being addressed.  We are so busy giving the people, “What thus says the Lord” but what we really need is for the preacher to have a preacher. 

My friend has never not (I know that this is a double negative, but it’s MY BLOG) picked up the phone to pray and counsel me.  After talking with her, the air seems clearer, the night seems easier and my soul not so troubled.  I always hear a Word from God through her which helps me to put things in perspective.  I know some of you might be saying to yourselves, “I wouldn’t answer my phone at that ungodly hour.” That’s your choice, but when my sister minister friend was going through, I picked up the phone for her and gave her God’s Word and prayed.  Sometimes, the preacher needs a preacher.  We figured like this, if we can allow congregants to awaken us in the middle of the night with their issues; why can’t we do that for each other?  Exactly!  We can!  We need a Word too.

What I am trying to convey is that preachers are not immune to the problems and issues of everyday life.  Job 14:1 prophetically states, “Man (and yes woman) born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.” We have relationship issues, household issues, health issues, children issues, daily walk issues, self-esteem issues and every other issue that lay people have.  Lay persons can turn to the preacher.  The preacher can turn to………Sometimes, the preacher needs a preacher.

  

10 Things Everyone Wants In a Sermon

What do people want to hear in a sermon? I have been to many churches and have heard many preachers.  Some have left me filled and inspired, others, well Jesus! In my second year on the BOE, my instructor was also my supervising pastor and she broke a sistah down, in a good way.  She’s the one that taught me a lot about sermon development.  She said, “You can whoop and holler all you want, but if there is nothing to feast on in your sermon, all that whooping and hollering is just a show.  You have to give the people something substantial.  You have to be prepared and you have to do the research!”  Needless to say, she failed a sermon that I had written as an assignment and she made me re-write it.  She taught me that great word, EXEGESIS.
 
The goal of Biblical exegesis is to explore the meaning of the text which then leads to discovering its significance or relevance.  In essence, I learned how to break it down, yes suh!  I got that process, but I still need to EFFECTIVELY convey the message of God to the people.  So how do I do that without losing the people?

Bob Hostetler, a Pastor of Leadership and Teaching at Cobblestone Community Church in Oxford, Ohio has compiled a list of 10 Things everyone wants in a sermon:

10. Grab my attention as soon as you start speaking. The great preachers of the past knew how to connect with an audience very quickly, but many modern preachers — even the good ones — tend to start with riveting phrases like, "Turn in your Bibles to Obadiah." Such tactics won't do these days. Think of the first thirty seconds of your message as equivalent to a movie theater preview. You must grab your listeners' attention any way you can-with a dramatic statement, question, story, film clip, etc. — and give them no choice but to listen from "Word One."

9. Teach me something I didn't already know. Ask yourself, "If I were listening to this sermon, what parts or points would I feel compelled to write down so I won't forget it?" If the answer is, "nothing," start over. Every listener wants to be helped to — not spoon-fed — a discovery of new information, new insights, new perspectives.

8. Tell me what God says, not what you say. Even seekers are far more interested in what God says on a subject than on what you say . . . or even what Oliver Wendell Holmes said. Good sermons — whether targeted primarily to seekers or Christians — rely heavily on the Bible as God's Word and let it do the talking.

7. Don't make me feel stupid because I don't know my Bible as well as you. Not only seekers, but long-time church-attendees as well, don't use their Bibles in church — not because the verses are projected up on the screen, but because they're embarrassed at their inability to find Haggai or Ruth in under three seconds (like seemingly everyone else sitting around them). That's why in my church, when it comes time to turn to the Biblical text for the morning, we project on the screen the Bible table of contents with that book highlighted, and say something like, "Ruth is the eighth book of the Bible, and it begins on page 184 in the Bibles we provide for your use."

6. Make me like you, and help me get to know you a little bit. Every speaker at Cobblestone Community Church (even me, perhaps the most visible member of the church) is asked to introduce himself, and is encouraged to seize opportunities to give listeners insight into the speaker's own life and personality — without revealing anything inappropriate, of course (and so much the better if it's vulnerable, self-effacing, and/or winsome).

5. Make me laugh. Not everyone can tell a joke, but then, jokes are far from the only way — and far from the best way — to inject humor into a sermon. Candid observations about our own follies — particularly the speakers' foibles — are among the most effective ways to use humor.

4. Show me you understand what I'm going through. One of the most crucial — and earliest — tasks of any preacher is to identify with listeners. In one message, on "How to Survive Suffering," I began my sermon with the phrase, "Sometimes a speaker bites off more than he can chew," and went on to detail why I felt ill-qualified to speak in a room filled with people who had suffered far more than me: a family losing their business, a couple each of whom were dealing with debilitating illnesses, a mother who'd lost her son, and so on. A sincere admission of our own struggles or a brief acknowledgment of the real-life issues others are facing is the key to identifying with both seeker and Christian.

3. Touch my emotions. Seekers and Christians alike want to be inspired. They want their heart-strings to be plucked. And, while seekers in particular are alert to manipulation, they're nonetheless longing for a preacher who will help them not only to think, but also to feel. Any sermon that fails to engage both mind and heart is likely to disappoint.

2. Meet a felt need. I tell both my writing students and the preachers I mentor that the first question a writer or speaker must answer is, "So what?" If as a reader or listener, I am not promised something I want when you begin, I will quickly begin thinking about what time the football game starts or where I should take the family to eat after the service. And, if I was promised something when you started but you never delivered on your promise, I'll be far less likely to listen — or even return — next week.

And, finally:

1. Tell me clearly how I can apply this to my life today, this week. When I conclude a message at Cobblestone, I assume that all my listeners are interested in following through on what God has said to them. So in addition to giving them opportunity for private prayer and counsel, I try to suggest to them practical ways they can follow up on what they've learned. I've encouraged listeners to write their own mission statement, give away one possession in the coming week, or mail a postcard inviting someone to church the following week.


This is a great list and my mentor had the right idea when she was my instructor. The people to whom we preach to, deserve to have their needs met.  When it comes right down to it, it's not so different preaching to seekers or to Christians. With Christians, of course, you can assume some knowledge and take some liberties. And with seekers, you might face fewer taboos. But both groups seek essentially the same things from a teacher of God's Word-none of which are anything new, of course, but all of which we would do well to apply to every message we speak from now until Jesus returns.

The Preacher's Kids

I have two daughters, number one and number two. I wil not mention their names because they just might hire a hit man to collect on the insurance money if they knew that I was writing about them. They are 22 and 18 respectively.  I went into the ministry kind of late in life.  I was 36 and they were still high school and junior high.  Boy, I just knew I was going to in for some trouble from them.

I talked to my girls about my calling first and they were really excited.  "Mom's going to be a preacher!" they said.  They hugged me and thanked me for the backstage pass into the "inner circle" of importance. I was concerned though.  Not only had I grown up with plenty of PK's (preacher's kids), but I was the great-granddaughter of a pentecostal bishop! The stories I could tell, but I won't. I evoke my right to plead the FIFTH!  So in knowing this, I could imagine all sorts of trials and tribulations that my children were going to take me through! So I braced myself for the worse.  Yes I did.  I loaded up on Excedrin and prayer and then I sat back and waited for the storm to come.  I just knew some big wave of rebellion, boys, sex and substance (experimentation) was going to engulf me and pull me under drowning me.

Guess what?  It never came.  My girls grew up pretty nomally.  The worse I had to worry about was how much I would let them spend on their prom dresses.  Number One went away to the Army where she met her husband, she got married and had my beautiful granddaughter.  Yes! She got it right and did better than her mom in that department.  Numbe Two graduated high school with no babies and is working and going to fashion school.  They are both happy and well rounded young ladies. 

I am not going to lie and say that everything was always smooth sailing.  There were times when I took a hand to their back sides and there were times after they got older that I sent them to their rooms for a week.  There were times when they tested my patience and there were times when I would just look at them like they were crazy.  Despite those "normal" growing up pains, my girls have always put a smile on my face.  Like the timeNnumber two would hide in the closet and sing a song that she made up, "Where's the little one?' and I would pretend to look for her until she would come out and say, "Here I am!"   Or the time Number One was in JRROTC and had surgery on her leg.  She was on crutches, but WILLED herself to go to school to manage her batallion.  She attained the highest rank in JRROTC as Lt. Colonial. My most proudest moment in both PK's lives was the day that they graduated from high school.

I think that PK's are no different from non PK's.  They have growing pains just like every one else.  Sometimes they fall just like other kids.  They succeed just like other kids.  I think that PK's get a bad rap.  Even I had to change my way of thinking about PK's.

Now, if my girls read this, maybe they won't hire the hit man, but instead smile and be proud that mom is very proud of them both and loves them.......just in case though, I think I had better change my insurance policy! LOL!!!!!