The Preacher's Kids

I have two daughters, number one and number two. I wil not mention their names because they just might hire a hit man to collect on the insurance money if they knew that I was writing about them. They are 22 and 18 respectively.  I went into the ministry kind of late in life.  I was 36 and they were still high school and junior high.  Boy, I just knew I was going to in for some trouble from them.

I talked to my girls about my calling first and they were really excited.  "Mom's going to be a preacher!" they said.  They hugged me and thanked me for the backstage pass into the "inner circle" of importance. I was concerned though.  Not only had I grown up with plenty of PK's (preacher's kids), but I was the great-granddaughter of a pentecostal bishop! The stories I could tell, but I won't. I evoke my right to plead the FIFTH!  So in knowing this, I could imagine all sorts of trials and tribulations that my children were going to take me through! So I braced myself for the worse.  Yes I did.  I loaded up on Excedrin and prayer and then I sat back and waited for the storm to come.  I just knew some big wave of rebellion, boys, sex and substance (experimentation) was going to engulf me and pull me under drowning me.

Guess what?  It never came.  My girls grew up pretty nomally.  The worse I had to worry about was how much I would let them spend on their prom dresses.  Number One went away to the Army where she met her husband, she got married and had my beautiful granddaughter.  Yes! She got it right and did better than her mom in that department.  Numbe Two graduated high school with no babies and is working and going to fashion school.  They are both happy and well rounded young ladies. 

I am not going to lie and say that everything was always smooth sailing.  There were times when I took a hand to their back sides and there were times after they got older that I sent them to their rooms for a week.  There were times when they tested my patience and there were times when I would just look at them like they were crazy.  Despite those "normal" growing up pains, my girls have always put a smile on my face.  Like the timeNnumber two would hide in the closet and sing a song that she made up, "Where's the little one?' and I would pretend to look for her until she would come out and say, "Here I am!"   Or the time Number One was in JRROTC and had surgery on her leg.  She was on crutches, but WILLED herself to go to school to manage her batallion.  She attained the highest rank in JRROTC as Lt. Colonial. My most proudest moment in both PK's lives was the day that they graduated from high school.

I think that PK's are no different from non PK's.  They have growing pains just like every one else.  Sometimes they fall just like other kids.  They succeed just like other kids.  I think that PK's get a bad rap.  Even I had to change my way of thinking about PK's.

Now, if my girls read this, maybe they won't hire the hit man, but instead smile and be proud that mom is very proud of them both and loves them.......just in case though, I think I had better change my insurance policy! LOL!!!!!

Pastor, Can I Make A Quick Announcement?

The first time that I saw Ricky Smiley do his character, Sister Bernice Jenkins the Church Announcement Clerk, I fell out on the floor laughing.  I laughed so hard because of the very realistic portrayal of the announcement clerks in some of our churches.  I mean, seriously, how many of us groan when we see the announcement clerk get up to read this laundry list of announcements that are PRINTED in the bulletin?  I know that I inwardly cringe! I want to run out of the church.  Sometimes, I leave and check my make-up, touch up my hair, use the restroom or whatever else I can think of.  Lord forgive me, but I my patience is not that long.

The announcements are an important piece to the service.  There are things that we need to know, for example: We need to know if the mass choir has to follow the pastor to a church.  We need to know if Sister Beatrice is still in the hospital or at home. We need to know if there is an important church meeting that is being held.  What we DON'T need to know is if Sister Beatrice was in the hospital due to hemorrhoids.  We DON'T need to know about your two year old's potty training successes.  We DON'T need to know EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!

Although, the previous issues give me a pounding headache, the worse for me are the people that jump up and say, "Pastor, can I make a quick announcement?"  These people don't know what quick is.  Quick to them is speaking, for what seems to be 15 minutes and then they have the nerve to take questions from the congregation.  Now to me, the spirit of worship has been replaced by an impromptu business session!

A wise pastor once told me that as preachers, we are sort of like cheerleaders.  We are to lead the team (congregants) into worship.  We are to help "pump them up" and keep the worship flowing.  Okay, I can do that, but I have discovered that after the announcements, it's a hard thing to rally the team back into worship. 

So, where do you put the announcements? I can't stand them being in the middle of worship service. Maybe the beginning? Would work if people would come to church ON TIME and not come at the beginning of the first selection.  I wonder if the clocks in their houses work or if it's because of the new outfit that they want us all to see. Maybe put the announcements at the end? Nope. I rather love the benediction.  Leave church with your blessing and not a bunch of info that no one retains.  Because trust me, someone will call me on Monday and ask me, "Rev, what time is the meeting on Saturday?"

I would do announcements before Praise and Worship or Devotions (it's a matter of what your church does, mine does Praise and Worship).  Sure, some people won't be there to hear them, but maybe if they miss enough of them they will get to church on TIME.  I just want uninterrupted worship.  I don't want to quench the Spirit if it's high. 

I realize the need for announcement time, but I don't see the need to stop my praise just to listen to them.

The Mega Church Syndrome

I was talking to a friend today who lives in the ATL (Atlanta, GA).  She attends a well known mega church there.  As we caught each other up on the latest news in each others' lives, I decided to ask her about her church and how she ended up there.  Before I write about our conversation let me say this.

At one time in my life I left the AME church where I grew up and became COGIC (Church of God In Christ).  I've always considered myself a mixed breed of sorts, denominationally, not racially.  My great-grandfather was a Pentecostal bishop and he built his own church.  As a child, in the mornings my family would attend the AME church (she was raised AME) and in the evenings, right down the street, we would go to granddaddy's church.  In the mornings, Order of Worship and in the afternoons and evenings watching my cousin be "slain" in the spirit once again. So when I was about 30 years old I started visiting a COGIC church whose pastor I had known since I was a child. His church would be considered a mega church as he had 2000 plus members.  I stayed there two years before I returned to the AME church. I will explain why later.

Now back to my friend. My friend grew up with me in church.  She moved to Atlanta four years ago.  In searching for a church, she indicated that she wanted to go to a church that was progressive, financially secure and large.  In her mind, she equated size with success. To her, the larger the more secure financially: no building funds, no ill repaired buildings, no struggling to pay the monthly utilities, wah wah wah, wah wah wah.  However, in all that she was saying, it dawned on me that she never mentioned any ministries that she was a part of.  So I asked her was she at least singing in the choir because I know that she likes to sing.  She told me no.  Her church holds auditions and she didn't make the cut.  WOW! I knew that she had surgery for her back while in Atlanta so I asked her if the "supervising pastor" come to the hospital to pray for her before surgery.  Another no.  She had to fill out a visitation request form and submit it to whatever committee.  The committee sent the asisstant minister to the ASSISTANT minister of the sub-committee of visitation of the senior committee of visitation. By this time, I am shaking my head.  When her sister died, who also lived in Atlanta and attended the same church, I asked who performed the eulogy.  Again, forms had to be filled out and this time she got the minister in training because the Bereavement minister was out of town, but little boy needed training, so they sent him! Any time that she needed the church to perform a service for her, she filled out forms, they sent her ministers that didn't really know her name and the "supervising" pastor never came.  One time, she got the "Daycare" minister! What shocked me the most was that she loves going to this church! She is oblivious to the impersonal treatment that she was receiving. My friend has what I call, "The Mega Church Syndrome." 

Everybody wants to go to The Potter's House, The New Births (maybe not so much now) and the Greater St. Stephens Full Gospel Baptists' (Bishop Paul Morton).  However, recently there have been some well known "mega churches" that have been in trouble.  New Birth is still trying to recover from the scandal of Long and young men and that stupid farce of being declared "king" of the jews by some psuedo rabbi that couldn't read the Torah if he tried.  Financial troubles forced Rick Warren to send a desperate plea for money to his Saddleback congregation two years ago. A Kansas City mega-church just lost their 20 million dollar campus to the bank. One of the country's first mega-churches, the Crystal Cathedral, recently filed for bankruptcy, and these stories are becoming more and more common. Yet, could it be that financial problems are just the symptom of a much deeper issue?

Tim Suttle; a pastor, writer, mucisian and blogger for the Huff Post had this to say:

If the church is the body of Christ, then the mega-church is a body on steroids. The latest and greatest example is Andy Stanley's Northpoint Community Church, who recently raised five million dollars to build their own three-lane overpass so that they could keep parking-lot-exit-times under thirty minutes. Stanley's congregation numbers over fifteen-thousand people. For a church to become that abnormally large it has to make use of such artificial means that it actually ceases to be a healthy church model. Here are three reasons why:

• Mega-church size insulates the body from the natural pains and tensions which keep it healthy. Pain is good, even in the church. Pain forces a community and its leaders to grow deeper and more mature. For instance, if two families leave a small church it cannot be ignored. The small church will have to face underlying issues and learn how to heal and grow. Small church leaders are constantly confronted with their own shortcomings and thus experience true accountability. However, if those same two families left a mega-church, no one would even notice. By virtue of its size the mega-church is insulated from the naturally occurring tensions which make for a healthy body, and dysfunction is allowed to build up over time. Eventually the mega-church will become symptomatic, but by then it's usually too late. And even if it does begin to feel the pain, this pain is derived from a threat to the institution itself and not from any inherent relational dynamic which gives dignity and importance to every single member and family.
• Mega-church size inhibits diversity. Pastors flock to mega-church conferences attempting to copy the latest leadership techniques and strategies. I have been part of an entire generation of pastors who have attended conferences at Saddleback, Willow Creek and Northpoint Churches in order to become the next Rick Warren, Bill Hybels or Andy Stanley instead of simply being ourselves. Leadership must grow from within the neighborhood. It cannot be imported from another context because no two contexts are alike. Author Tim Keel often says copying another leader's strategy is like gluing fruit from one tree onto another tree and saying, "Look what I grew!" It is not reality. The strategy of a church and its efforts toward mission must always grow out of the context of the community in which the church exists.
• Mega-church size exploits the mega-church pastor. The mega-church pastor becomes like the liver of an alcoholic body. The anxiety, pressure, and stress generated by the mega-church is not shared by the typical member but is focused primarily upon the pastor. This pressure molds the pastor into something more akin to a CEO of a large corporation than a wise rabbi. Even pastors who attempt to stay healthy will end up flaming-out and suffering because the systemic issue cannot be mitigated by sound personal practices. All of the artificial means used to grow something so large become focused on the pastor and the pastor has to somehow try and cleanse the system. This is, as it turns out, an impossible task. So the church resorts to dialysis. They give the pastor a year off to try and get healthy again. Or they do a transplant and replace the pastor altogether, only to have the problem recur some years later.

I left the COGIC mega church that I was attending because of the same impersonal fellowship that my friend is now receiving.  I went home to the same people that known me since I was a child.  In the AME denomination (to which I belong and am now an ordained preacher), we have the itineracy, which means we move our pastors around, but even with that, it is easy to get to know your pastor on a personal level.  Trust me, if I have surgery, I won't have to fill out no durned for just for the "Hospitality" minister to come and pray over me.  My senior pastor comes.  I get to sing in the choir without having to audition.  I know everyone in my church and everyone knows me.  When I hurt, they hurt and vice versa.  When I hit a milestone in the ministry they celebrate with me as a family.  I love my not so large church of about 100 members. We're close and personal. 

I love my friend and if she likes her church, then I love it.  For me, I've got enough aches and pains due to nature.  As I get older, sometimes I forget things that I was just thinking of.  I've been accused of having OCD because I'm constantly cleaning.  With all that I have going on I don't need to have the Mega Church Syndrome!

President Obama and the Black Church: Politician or Preacher?

I love my POTUS! Yes I do!  I was one of many African Americans that campaigned vigorously to have this man elected to the highest government office that this country has to offer.  I will never forget waking at 3am in the morning with my mom in tow, standing in line to cast my vote for President Obama.  I sang all the way to polls and back home, “We Shall Overcome!”  I was proud to have been able to vote in such a historic election.  I was even prouder still that African Americans had their FIRST African American president elected!  What a day of jubilee!  I still feel pride when I see my POTUS and the first family, a class act indeed.  The black church played an integral part in getting this young man from Illinois elected.  However, now the black church is having a cow over what the POTUS has said recently.

Last week, President Obama announced that he was in favor of same sex marriage, but he feels that it should be up to individual states as to the specific laws they may or may not adopt.  Meaning, GLBT (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender) couples may be able to marry in one state, but may not be able to marry in another.  Okay, that makes sense to me.  It doesn’t bother me.  I know that my denomination does not allow me to perform same sex marriages and I know that we don’t condone them either.  Fine, I am okay with our denominational stance.  My personal stance is the same as my denomination’s also, but not in the reason some people might think.  Mine comes not from prejudice of a group of people; mine comes strictly from a biblical standpoint.  President Obama’s comes straight from a politician’s view.

Last I looked the POTUS was and is a politician and not a preacher.  His goal is to get re-elected and not to be a shepherd over a congregation.  The world of politics is like one of chess.  You have to move and strategize in order to win.  You have to use your pawns and the POTUS did a very good job at doing that.  In chess there is a move in which you sacrifice your queen and your opponent makes the mistake of moving key pieces around to win.  However, the purpose of sacrificing your queen is to flush out your opponents flaws so that you can checkmate them later.  In sacrificing your queen, your opponent has to rethink their strategy, which usually ends up in a bad move for them. 

The POTUS is playing chess.  He is doing what he does, which is being a politician.  The GLBT vote is huge.  He would be correct to go after that vote.  How dare we be hypocritical about his announcement!  Whether we want to admit it or not, homosexuality has been infused in the black church since forever.  Homosexuality has been in our pulpits as well as the pews.  Don’t get on the POTUS for being a politician.  That’s his job.  Pray for the POTUS. Looking at all the yahoos out here running for office makes me like him that much more.  If nothing else, “Don’t be mad at the playa, be mad at the Game!”            

The Woes of A Single Preacher

I am single and have never ben married.  That's right, NEVER!  On the real, I would love to be married, to have a husband that supports me and the ministry that God has called me to.  However, I am running into some problems in the man department. 

I am not the most beautiful woman on the planet, but I'm pretty attractive if I must say so myself.  I dress pretty well for a broke preacher.  I keep my hair done and I can put on my make-up better than
Tyra Banks on most occasions.  I'm a great cook and conversationalist.  If I were to quote my youngest daughter, "I've got it going on!" So, why is it so hard for me to find a decent man to date much less marry? 

I get approached by men all of the time wanting to take me out.  I never reveal to them that I am a preacher up front.  I usually tell them maybe on the second or third date what I do. The conversation goes like this:

Him:  So, what do you do on the weekends?
Me:    Church.
Him:  All weekend?
Me:    Sometimes more than that.
Him:  What are you ultra religious or something?
Me:    I'm a preacher.
Him:  Seriously?
No:    No, I just wear a clergy collar for the fun of it.

Now, this conversation ends in one of two ways.  He either wants to take me home for fear of the wrath of God sending him to hell for taking a preacher out to dinner, OR, he starts to think of him, the horizontal mamba and me.  Both are no good.

Then there's that brother that claims he will be all right with dating you because he's always wanted a christian woman.  That is, until Annual Conference comes around, 3pm musicals, preaching engagements, District Conference, Mid-Year, Lent, Pentecost, Easter, Advent, Christmas, revivals, Mens Day, Womens Day, Usher Day, Choir Day, Pastor's Appreciation, Early Morning Lay Service, Bible Study and any other day that you have to attend.  Whew, I guess I would re-think dating me also.

I don't know what the solution is other than to wait on God to send me that man who will stand by me as well as I will by him.  I've kissed a lot of frogs in my time and none have turned into a prince. As a matter of fact, if I get one more wart, I think that I'm going to scream. LOL!

The Robe Blues

I love clothes and fashion.  I love women's clothing and high heels.  I love make-up and hair weave.  I like to get my nails and toes done. I absolutely ADORE jewelry! White gold, sterling silver, diamonds (my birthstone) and platinum are my passion.  I love being a woman.  I love dressing like a woman.  I love being able to preach God's Word as a woman.  At one time in my ministry, I was singing the Robe Blues.

The purpose of a robe is to cover anything that might distract the congregation from receiving God's Word.  That is understandable to me.  However, looking at the selection of robes from different companies, I have found that most are shapeless garments that wouldn't inspire me to wear them.  Upon my first ordination (diaconateorders) in the AME Church, I went to my mentor and mother in the ministry and tried on her robe.  Her robes always looked nice on her, but when I tried one on, it looked like I had dressed up to play a line backer position!  She even agreed that her style of robe did nothing for me.  We went shopping!  Right up my alley! We went to different companies to try on different styles of robes. This is what we discovered. 

                 
Susanna Wesley Robe      The Alb                        The Cassock

The Susanna Wesley style of robe was out of the question.  It made me look way too big (although I am not a small woman) so why add more heavy billowy fabric to make me bigger.  It was hot and I knew that I would sweat my hair out wearing that robe seeing as how nature is giving me hot days with 30 degree temps outside.  I next tried out the Alb style.  Not too bad, but still a shapeless garment that my 97year old grandmother could have put together and she doesnt sew any more. I must admit though, the fabric was lighter and much more able to keep me cooler when my personal summers got out of control.  I settled for the Cassock style.  It was fitted enough to be stylish and light enough that I wouldn't have carry my hair glue bottle around to tighten up my tracks due to sweat. I have settled on the Cassock style for all of my preaching garments.  I am satisfied with how they make me look.  I am covered and I am stylish.

That was almost three years ago since I started on the road to purchasing robes that I would be satisfied with.  In that time, I have found several companies that custom make beautiful robes for women.  My favorite is Bride of Christ Robes.  A very reputable company out of Camden, New Jersy.  The selection of robes for women clergy is dynamite and the prices are reasonable.  They even have high heeled shoes!  Tina Scott is the owner/designer.  Visit her website at: www.brideofchristrobes.com .


Bride of Christ Robes


Finally, no more sing the Robe Blues, as now we fashion conscious women of God have an option to robe up in robes that not only flatter, but still maintain the office in which God has called us to.

Child Preachers: Anointed or Imitation?

It's weird.  I am going through YouTube and happened on some videos of children preaching.  I am curious to see these so-called "pint-sized" preachers.  I click on one of a little guy in Florida and my heart just drops.  He "whoops", lays on hands, dresses in nice gear and what he is preaching is not sound and very empty.

In researching this young man, who is all of 11 years of age, his grandmother and father seem to be grooming him to be the bread winner of the family.  His grandmother is an evangelist with a criminal background of fraud and theft and his father spent time in jail for narcotic sales.   They have now turned this young man into a money machine for the family.

Now, I do believe that children can be touched by the hand of God to preach, but if you hear this young man "preach", he is not saying anything worth anything.  It is all empty rhetoric.  Do you blame the child? The grandmother? The father?   No! Blame the churches and congregations that have invited this young man to preach to their congregations.

People no longer want to hear the REAL Word of God.  If they did, then they would realize that for all of the whooping, hollering, talking in tongues that this young man is doing has been orchestrated by the adults responsible for raising him.  He is imitating what he sees and is being paid very big money for what he does (Interestingly, the father, when questioned to whether he has put aside money for the young man's future education could not verify that income).

My heart aches when I see such abuse of children.  Some would argue that Jesus was twelve when he taught at the temple so why not these "pint-sized" preachers.  Yes, Jesus was twelve, but we also have to keep in mind that Jesus himself was the Word.  Read John 1:1 where it says, "  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  Jesus could teach and preach because He already KNEW the Word because He was the Word.

I am very skeptical of these "pint-sized" preachers.  My heart goes out to them and my prayers are with them.